11 ✦ on finding the right articulation
being unable to describe your state of affairs is some kind of oppression
This is about having language laid out bare for things you find incomprehensible, from the offensive heat lately and late-stage capitalism to your peculiar mood swings
Two months ago, I was listening to the August 2023 Energy Report of the Manifest Daily podcast when I realized that the slump I’d been feeling wasn’t a special case.
Host Dheandra Nicollete says, “If you’re in a similar season when you are ending chapters, closing doors, possibly cutting connections off that no longer serve you into the next chapter you’re going into, know that it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to mourn those things when you know there’s something better waiting for you on the other side.”
By the time you are reading this, I’m already in Barcelona to pursue my Master’s degree. Back in Manila pre-departure, when friends asked how I felt about spending a year in a foreign country, I wholeheartedly meant it whenever I answered, “I’m excited and I can’t wait.” I wasn’t afraid, wasn’t anxious. However, the weeks leading up to my departure felt draining to a staggering extent.
Yes, I had already expected The Big Move to be logistically exhausting. Fitting one year of your life inside two luggages isn’t the simplest task, not to mention moving out of a rented apartment and disseminating your furniture to your family’s homes. Just in the nick of time, my husband and I turned over two foster kittens to their adoptive homes three days before our 16-hour flight. Don’t get me started on the documents needed for a Filipino citizen to study in or even travel to Spain. To put it mildly: passport privilege is real and the lack of it with ours is dehumanizing.
But I digress.
Once the mountain of paperwork was settled, as I bid ‘see you later’ to loved ones before leaving, I didn’t expect to be crawling my way out of every day. Despite feeling thrilled to start a new chapter of my life, there was a curious weariness in my movements, a pressing burden on my shoulders as I ticked off every seemingly impossible task on my pre-departure to-do list.
“You are allowed to grieve,” Dheandra says, who also happened to be moving to a new city while she was recording the podcast. Oh, I gasped to myself — the big G word. I didn’t think of framing my lethargy as a manifestation of grief, which is to say, in a kinder, more tender way. All this time before being enlightened by a random Spotify podcast, my self-critical streak had been berating me for being weak and lazy.
“But what is grief, if not love persevering?” WandaVision (2021)
Perhaps that’s what I was dealing with: grief, caused by letting go of a love.
It wasn’t painfully obvious to me, but it seemed that I had been apparently grieving about leaving the life I’d built in Manila. It was hard, it was easy, it was frustrating, it was beautiful. I was (am) certain that if I left, even for a blip of a year, I would never be the same person when I came back.
I’d be a different puzzle piece upon returning, one that doesn’t fit my social circles quite the same way. I’d have shifted into someone new, one who’d have sharper edges, differing world views, and fresh badges earned by spending a year abroad. But as Taylor Swift croons, it’s been a long time coming. And with Dheandra’s episode of vulnerability, I felt validated and seen, less alone and less peculiar in this period of change and flux.
I find that voices, from books and songs to other types of media, that can articulate your circumstances and state of affairs are guardian angels in your life. They bare the language you have yet to piece together for yourself, unknowingly sending you into a state of enlightenment.
This epiphany made me think of systems and situations that we’re unable to process until someone speaks up or writes about them. How articulation cements experiences into existence, eventually becoming bright streetlights to strangers who feel lonely in their path of darkness and obscurity.
💡 Ongoings that I’ve found the right articulations for lately:
On how this summer was the hottest to date1. The climate crisis is here and is felt more and more in each passing season. This is when the Earth's weather gets warmer due to human activities like burning fossil fuels (like coal, oil, and gas), which then causes global warming problems like extreme weather and rising sea levels. Not only do we need to use clean energy to combat this, but there must be a complete mindset shift in society that prioritizes sustainability and community versus greed and ego.
On how self-commodification bombards your social media feeds. Gray Miller writes in his article about late-stage capitalism, “We’ve gone from purchasing things for what they actually do for us to what we hope they say about us, whether it’s our self-esteem or our reputation.” Self-commodification is a manifestation of late-stage capitalism2, a post-industrial era where lifestyle activities and the arts have become consumable and commodified. We are all free to judge how one wins their bread, but instead of automatically questioning or looking down on new ways people earn a living (feet pics, anyone?), it’s important to first question why people even need to resort to such. Personally, I can respect the hustle, especially in this economy.
On how you identify as a feminist, but you don’t know why you cringe at certain choices women make. I’ve learned about choice feminism3 lately, a form of contemporary feminism that encourages women to see the choices they make as always justified and politically acceptable. The operative word here is always. There are debates on this, namely with plastic surgery, beauty culture, and sex work as guises to self-empowerment. But are these truly empowering when they (1) are rooted in patriarchal systems, and (2) continue to oppress your own people? I don’t have the answer, but it’s something to ponder on.
When you’re at a loss for words to describe peculiar events, there are scientists, philosophers, economists, field experts, and writers who have most likely already pieced together why the way things are, are.
When you feel alone, scared, or anxious, know that your existence is shared and that somebody out there is most likely living through a similar situation as you. The difference is in whether or not one articulates and shares their experience loudly.
If you find that the room you’re in is silent, why don’t you speak up and let people find you instead?
✧˚ · .
In the quest for the right articulation,
Danna
Thank you for reading this newsletter! If you are so inclined, let me know your thoughts in the comments, on Instagram, or on Threads. If you enjoyed this, I would appreciate it if you shared it with your friends who might enjoy reading notes on mindful living and introspection. ☁️
🕯️ Other related posts you might like: coming back home to yourself, how social media culture of consumerism is fueling the climate crisis, and truisms vol. 01.
An opinion piece on The University of Sydney’s blog about unpacking late capitalism
I needed to read this this morning ❤️