People who live gently can be stereotyped as weak and gutless, but it’s overlooked how they are able to subscribe to this lifestyle by being the most strong-willed out of the status quo.
Living gently means living in a way that is least exploitative to earthly resources, the people you surround yourself with, and most especially, yourself.
It’s taken a while for me to feel like I’m living gently. In seasons when the world demands more from me, I admit that it’s still a struggle. Saying no, taking a step back, settling for ‘just enough’. The more I disavow the ruthless ways society operates, the more I realize that living gently is synonymous with living sustainably — a lifestyle that attempts to reduce one’s personal and societal environmental impact.
In normal speak, it’s the opposite of burning yourself out and consuming excessively.
This newsletter would have a vastly different angle if I had written it years ago. Instead of ‘living gently’ as the theme, it would have probably been along the lines of ‘living furiously’. My younger self lived a little too fast, hard, and fell into the black hole of consumerism. (I’m grateful for the sustainability advocates I came across online for helping me see the light — or rather, the dark truth of overconsumption.)
You might also want to read ‘How social media culture of consumerism fuels the climate crisis' and ‘Self-care is an act of community care’
For the past few years, I don’t shop as often as I used to. I try to buy mostly second-hand clothes. If I buy something brand new, I make sure that it will be put to good use. I eat mostly plant-based food and try to select locally-sourced ingredients when I cook. I try not to travel via car, but I’m aware that I’m only able to do this because (1) I live in what’s considered a relatively pedestrian-friendly city in Metro Manila, and (2) I’m lucky enough to have a remote job.
I often police myself on my own privilege, but I think of how I got here — this version of myself who’s vastly different from who I was years ago. The tough times that led me here: living paycheck to paycheck, working several jobs, and taking on more than I can in order to build the life I want. All the hitting, missing, and hitting again. The topsy-turvy path of sustaining one’s self in this unpredictable world.
Until finally, you’re able to afford more time for yourself — to rest, think, and do things you’ve always wanted to — while still paying the bills.
Although living gently this way can entail a lot of time, hard work, and luck to achieve, especially for those not born with a silver spoon in their mouths and bestowed with a hefty amount of generational wealth, I found that wanting less is crucial in order to live gently.
To be capable of more, and yet, to not be swayed into wanting and being more just for the sake of it.
Remember that choosing to be gentle is a formidable act of strength.
Living gently isn’t only centered on the self, of course. I’ve seen people extend all kinds of gentleness toward both human and non-human lives, witnessed how beautiful it is when echoes of their kindness reverberate through the world.
A mother tucks her twenty-year-old daughter’s feet under the blanket. A father holds his son close, tells them it’s okay to cry. A middle-aged spinster feeds stray cats in her neighborhood. A stranger extends a hand and asks if you’re okay after you trip on the uneven sidewalk. Despite having places to be, a dismayed witness remains at the scene of a car accident to be the unconscious victim’s guardian.
“Oh, that gentleness! how far more potent is it than force!” ― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
Gentleness isn’t only manifested in tender ways. In order for tenderness to span out into the world, I think about how tough actions can be necessary. Going against the norms, fighting for what’s right, and facing conflicts with unwavering conviction are some of the ways people cultivate a gentler world.
The friend who gives you an intervention because they hate seeing you on the path of self-destruction. The mother who breaks a fight between her two children and lectures the child who punched first, because violence should never be tolerated. The introverted human rights defender who faces cut-throat institutions in court. The meek citizen who attends their first street rally against the plunderous legacy of a political family.
I am in awe of the courage, strength, and fearlessness it takes for humans to fight violence caused by ignorance, lack of empathy, or plain injustice. The way this bravery is fueled by envisioning what it’s like if no one intervenes, if no one pays attention, if no one cares to right the wrongs.
I dream of a world where gentleness isn’t rare but is expected.
Gentleness is needed in the disoriented state of the world, where grandiosity, exploitation, and bravado are commonplace, and in many cases, glorified.
These actions and behaviors are proliferated by “The Man” and rob future generations of thriving in a safe, tender, and soulfully-rich world. Acts of gentleness can be challenging to do because society pushes us to be complacent in taking part in exploitative and unethical systems, whether as victims or perpetrators, whether unknowingly or not.
I challenge you, just as I challenge myself, to live more gently — and if the need arises, to engage against acts of violence in order for a tender world to bloom.
Say no to commitments that don’t align with your values and add unnecessary responsibilities. Sleep in when your body can’t handle it any longer. Relish in small wins even when nobody is applauding for you. Allow yourself to cry when you’re feeling distraught and overwhelmed. Reach out to a loved one for solace instead of isolating yourself.
Don’t be too hard on yourself and the people around you, because most people are trying their best given what they have. I’m sure you are.
Remember that choosing to be gentle is a formidable act of strength.
In a society that always pushes you to be more, do more, and have more, will you be someone who goes against this capitalistic point of view and proudly says, “I am enough, I am doing enough, this is enough”?
✧˚ · .
To gentler (and stronger) days,
Danna
Beautiful words. I have been in the same path for a few years now. investing more on inner work and self healing. I find solace just being with my family, enjoying afternoon tea by myself, walking at the park and having some good coffee while reading my book. I stopped wanting for more material things. It takes a lot of awareness and work to be gentle, but definitely worth it.
I resonate so much with your piece. As I've gotten older, I found myself looking for fulfillment from having a well-balanced and holistic life rather than always hustling for a higher paycheck. It still takes some effort to get to a place where you can easily live gently but it's definitely worth it ☺️